How to know your son is gay

ANSWER:

Believe it or not, it’s a hopeful sign that your teen son has brought up the subject of queer attraction and homosexuality. Nothing is more important than open communication between parent and child — especially when it comes to sexuality and gender identity.

So you might want to try drawing your son out. You could seek , “What made you curious about this?”

If you attend carefully and respond wisely, he might share more of his thought processes. This can lead to a helpful discussion of the subject. It will also strengthen your bond — and a nice parent-child relationship is one of the best lines of defense against homosexuality.

Hear your child’s heart

Joe Dallas, an expert in field of same-sex attraction, says that there are three different ways the pos “homosexuality” is used:

• “Homosexuality” can be used to signify specifically homosexual behavior — in other words, sexual contact with a person of the same sex.

• The word is often used to describe a frame of mind when a person sees homosexuality as a primary ide
  

  Book Excerpt: Is Your Child Gay?

  Excerpted fromWhy Is the Penis Shaped Like That? … And Other Reflections on Organism Human, by Jesse Bering, by arrangement with Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC (North America), Transworld Ltd (UK), Jorge Zahara Editora Ltda (Brazil). Copyright © by Jesse Bering.

  We all understand the stereotypes: an unusually light, delicate, effeminate air in a little boy's step, an interest in dolls, makeup, princesses and dresses, and a formidable distaste for coarse play with other boys. In small girls, there is the outwardly boyish stance, perhaps a penchant for tools, a square-jawed readiness for physical tussles with boys, and an aversion to all the perfumed, delicate trappings of femininity.

  These behavioral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbingers of individual homosexuality. It is only relatively recently, however, that developmental scientists have conducted controlled studies to identify the earliest and most faithful signs of senior homosexuality. In looking carefully at the childhoods of male lover adults,

  As I relayed in When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, ), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's designate entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.

  I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I possess brought it up? Suppose I was wrong? After all, he had a crush on a girl in his class.

  I had suspected at times that he was gay. He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a straight mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.

  As it turns out, our son didn't come out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a partner to visit. Had I asked him if he were lgbtq+ when he was 13, he probably would have defensively said "No!" He had to labor it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.

  Susan Berland, the mother o
  
  

  Help! My Son is Gay

  by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director

  “So should I push my son towards women now?”  That’s a question I often get from fathers of young men who are struggling with matching gender attractions. Dads are often devastated by the discovery of their son’s homosexuality.  But the acknowledge to their son’s battle is not to thrust him into the arms of a woman.  In fact, such a relocate could actually do more damage than good.
  But what should a dad do for his son? In a word:  connect!  I realize when saying that many dads might think, “I am related to my son. He’s my son. I’ve been around him since birth. We are fine.”  But the fact is that simply being present doesn’t mean you have any kind of emotional, intimate, connection with your son. He is a sensitive guy who needs to be spoken to in a language he can hear and understand. Proclamations of facts do petty to move his heart. He wants words dripping with raw emotion and heart-felt passion. He wants to know you, intimately, and feel the weight of your passion for him.  In many ways, he wants you to look him straight in hi